Lately I've been feeling myself getting overwhelmed easily, getting down easily, and getting stressed easily. Usually when I feel that way I just start to feel tired and like I have no motivation to do anything productive. I'm not sure when it first started... but lately it's become much more apparent. It's not as though I'm not happy about where I am in life, or that I'm depressed. I just feel like it's a little rut that I've been in... and I'm trying to focus on how to get out of it. I think my life just needs a little "revamp". A little more focus on things that should take priority. I know most people make "resolutions" January 1st, but hey... I'm only a month late.
1. Be more present. I think that when life gets hectic, it's hard to focus on being "in the moment" and enjoying the time you have, when you have it. With Tate's busy work schedule, family time can be pretty rare. Alot of times when he gets home and has down time we're both so exhausted from our week that we just want to relax and be lazy. When we actually do go out and do something fun, whether it be hiking together or walking around the farmers market or trying a new little cafe for lunch, we always comment that we need to make more of an effort to do it more often. I really want to focus on that, and not just say it.
Along with being more present and enjoying family time, I need to focus on being present with Jace. Our days are usually just the two of us glued to one another for 16 hours straight (until bedtime finally graces us with it's presence!). Sometimes I'll be trying to coupon, fold laundry, clean the house, and get ready for work or an appointment... and I realize that I need to just stop. Stop worrying about the toys all over the floor, stop worrying about the clean laundry sitting in the basket, stop watching the clock... and just enjoy my kid.
2. Be more patient with Jace. I'm not a perfect mom, I don't ever pretend to be. I wish I was. I don't think I need to explain to anyone who has raised kids, that sometimes a two year old can be frustrating. (At least I'd like to hope it's not just mine!) I hate feeling frustrated with him... it's the worst feeling in the world. One minute he'll be climbing all over me, pulling my hair, screaming in my ear, whining about what he wants right now, while simultaneously breaking something and I yell "STOP IT"... and immediately his face drops and he looks so sad... and then my immediate mom guilt sets in and I pick him up and hug him. Why can't I be more patient?? I understand that part of parenting is making sure your child grows up knowing the difference between right and wrong, but I don't want to be spending my time scolding my two year old for being a two year old. Patience in those moments is 100% the most important thing to me on this entire list.
3. Do more at-home activities. I think I've turned into a bit of a home-body lately. We spent all of last year constantly going out of the house to the park, or the museum, or playdates... and quite frankly, I'm burnt out on it. I want to stay home... I want to spend more one-on-one learning and creative time with Jace now that he's older. I want to do more simple at-home things like booked themed craft time, "letter of the day" activities, baking treats like jello, cookies or rice krispie treats together, sensory play, etc.
Besides all that I want to do with Jace (and the list is long!) I also want to focus on getting back into my own hobbies. I haven't read a book in I-dont-even-know how long. I feel best when I'm being creative or crafty, and it's been a while since I did many projects. Everytime I look at Pinterest I think about all of the projects I'm not doing and recipes I'm not trying.
4. Make meal time more interesting and healthy. I love spending dinner together at home. But lately we eat the same 5 or 6 things on rotation. I want to focus on trying new and fun recipes (and letting Jace help prepare them!) to break some of the monotonous dinner time rituals. I also want to focus on health more when it comes to meal time. Jace is finally out of his super picky eating phase, but he still turns up his nose to most vegetables. I received the "Sneaky Chef" cookbook as a gift, and I really want to try some of those nutrient-boosting recipe ideas. I would also like to focus on learning how to make more things... my friend Dawn taught me how to make the best authentic egg rolls and wontons ever. But I want to also learn how to make some other fun authentic foods, and more homemade breads and soups and those types of things.
5. Put more focus on my relationship. After having a kid, it's easy to put your relationship on the back burner. Tate and I will laugh that the nights we used to spend catching up over dinner are completely gone, because now Jace is narrating every single thing we're doing. "Mommy eat noodles. Jace eats noodles. Daddy eats noodles. Yummy Noodles. More noodles please! I'm eating. Yummy yummy. I tap my fork. Mommy's fork. Daddy's fork. I went to the park. I rode bike. Happy Birthday potato head! My hands are a mess. I need napkin. I need tissue. I wipe hands. All clean. Hands are clean. Tissue. Tissue. Oh, I get boogies out. Here mommy, throw tissue out. More bread please. Yummy bread. I need to get down. I need to go potty. Moooooommmmy please wipe this booooooooooty! Wash hands. Hands clean. I need to get up. My seatbelt's stuck, oh no. Yummy noodles. I use fork. Daddy uses fork. Daddys noodles. Mommys noodles..." You get the point. It's hard to take time alone, to focus on our relationship... and not just on our "family". I'm not good at date nights... but I need to start being better, and making an effort to spend time alone with eachother discussing something other than Jace. A healthy and happy relationship is the foundation of a healthy and happy family, right?
6. Quit stressing about the future. Sometimes I feel like I have to have it all figured out. When to have more kids. When to go back to school. When to buy a house and settle down in one location. I need to quit worrying about the future and just rest assured it's all going to fall into place when it's meant to fall into place. Along with stressing about the future I need to let go of some of my worries about years to come... I think after I became a parent I became obsessive about thinking about the "what ifs". What if I got cancer? What if I die? What will happen to Jace? What if I can't have another baby? What if, what if, what if. All those thoughts do is cause depressing thoughts, what's the point in worrying about them? Don't worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will worry about itself.
So I guess "that's it" for right now. Those are the main things I'm going to focus on right now. Hopefully acknowledging my goals will help meeting them more realistic. It's not as though any of the things on the list are hard to obtain goals, alot of them I used to be really good at... but have let slide recently. I'm hoping with focusing on these things I'll feel more at peace and balanced in life.
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