Having Another Baby

No I'm not pregnant.  But this post is about having another baby.  It's something that's been on my mind alot lately.  I feel like every single person that I know with kids Jace's age are either trying to get pregnant, are currently pregnant, or have already had another baby.  I feel like I'm doing something wrong by not fitting into any of those three catagories!  The whole "family planning" thing can be so stressful.  As soon as you have one kid everyone wants to know when you're going to have more.  Two months after I had Jace I already felt like I needed to start planning when we would want to add another kid to the mix.  I always thought that people got pregnant, had one kid, and then 2.5 years later the next kid just magically popped out.  I forget that in order to have kids close in age (if that's what you want) you have to allow time to get pregnant and to carry the baby for 9 months.  Now that Jace is almost 15 months old, if I were to get pregnant as of today he would be exactly two years older than his sibling.  Wait what?  And that's a NORMAL age gap... I don't know how people do it!

I'm not sure why I'm all of a sudden stressing about this.  Maybe it's because I didn't think I needed to start thinking about pregnancy again already.  Maybe it's because I just finally got ownership of my body back after finally stopping breastfeeding, and now it's time to start thinking about another kid.  I always pictured my kids being less than 3 years apart.  If I want that to happen I have to get pregnant THIS YEAR.  Most days I don't think I'm anywhere near ready to go down that road again, and then others I'm just confused.

I think there are alot of mixed emotions when it comes to thinking about having a second baby.  You wonder how you will ever love someone as much as you love your first (even though everyone will tell you it just happens and you eventually do).  You wonder if you're first is going to feel jealous or if they're going to feel less loved now that you're taking care of a newborn again.  You wonder what your first borns life would be like if they ended up being an only child or if they didn't have a sibling for another 6 or 7 years.  Would they be lonely?  Would they never learn to share and play well with others?  Would you regret not having more babies later in life?  You wonder how you could possibly chase around a toddler while nursing a newborn and getting 2 hours of sleep at a time all night.  You wonder how you could possibly afford two kids in diapers at the same time.  You wonder if two will be enough... or if you'll end up in the same position in another year wondering about number #3, and then MAYBE even number #4!

Maybe part of the reason I'm so indecisive about this is because I didn't love pregnancy.  I love motherhood, every minute of it.  But pregnancy and I were not close friends!  It's not as though I had a horrible pregnancy.  The first two trimesters were super easy.  The third was not so great with the meniere's disease, but who knows if I would deal with that again.  I wonder if I would feel differently about pregnancy the second time around, would I feel more attached to the unborn baby knowing how great Jace turned out to be?  I mean how do you really know about the miracle you're carrying until you actually have already experienced raising one?  Some people fall in love the moment they find out they're pregnant... would that be me the second time around?  Would I stress less during a second pregnancy now that I know that: 1) there are always medical hiccups during pregnancy that seem scary but turn into nothing, 2) there will always be excessive weight gain and your body will go [somewhat] back to normal and 3) you won't end up with tiger stripe stretch marks like everyone scared you about, so quit applying that stupid cocoa butter!

Maybe it's my age that has me undecided.  Maybe it's the fact that we're not married, which I often forget.  Maybe it's that none of my closest oldest friends have kids yet.  Maybe I'm starting to question this whole baby thing more now that I'm a stay at home mom and I feel like I should just be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen... haha, kidding!  But seriously, in case you can't tell I'm stressing out about this.  Would someone please just tell me it will all work out like it should and that I will be the only person in medical history who gives birth to a 6 month old who sleeps through the night after having a week-long pregnancy??? 

Side note:  Yes, mother I can see your glare all the way from here.  I realize it would be HIGHLY irresponsible for me to go and get "knocked up" again before walking down the aisle.  I already know how you feel, so calm down, take a deep breath.  I'm just venting, I have no plans of getting pregnant without your permission first.  :)